Nightswimming*

(Actually, day swimming.  But if I write Nightswimming then the REM song starts in my head and I love having that song playing in my head, so I'm keeping it.)

We've had two days of oppressive heat & humidity here . . . what better day to re-join the pool?  As a suburb girl, I'm a fan of the outdoor summer pool---but here in our neighborhood the indoor one turned out to be cheaper (and it has longer hours, and includes a gym membership----how is that even possible?) . . . regardless,  we'll be hanging out (indoor) poolside this summer.

Before we could leave for the pool I told Maya "We have to take Parker out to go potty" and I went to find my sunglasses . . . when I turned around, she was holding the leash!

Is this what you're looking for, Mom?

Parker!  Stay still!  Don't eat the leash!  We have to get this on so quick . . . mama said she's takin' me to the pool!

Who cares if the leash isn't on?!  Let's go!

Fun times were had by all at the pool.  I took some pictures on my phone to text to Dave (in a sharing-the-cuteness way, not a you're-at-work-and-we're-at-the-pool way):

This was "Maya, make a silly face!"

This was "Maya, smile!"  Maybe we need to work on making a smiling face.

The most amazing part of the pool visit was this sign:

 3 FEET DEEP

We were hanging out by the stairs and Maya was furiously pointing at it and making noises (the girl loves letters).  Just for kicks, I took her over and said Where's the E? and she pointed at one of the E's. 

Where's the D? Got it. 

Where's the P? Right again.

Where' the 3? Pointed at it, and then held up 3 fingers (like we taught her for her birthday).

Holy crap.

She's such a little sponge, just constantly soaking things up.  I haven't been doing any sort of focused letter stuff with her, other than watching Leapfrog Letter Factory once or twice a week and singing the song from it.  I haven't been showing her the letters (and certainly not the numbers).  But I will be now :)

 Daddy, when I'm done swimming I get to wear a pretty dress and pink sandals!!!

I tried to get a picture of her in the dress when we got home, but all I got were a bunch of shots that look like this:

She's too quick :)  (How great is that to say?!)  It's not quite running, but it's some sort of if-you-walk-any-faster-you'll-certainly-land-on-your-face pace, and I love it.  I love the fact that sometimes I have to do a few little joggy steps to get to her :)

And a quick post-hospital update . . .

True to form, Maya's still a little off from the anesthesia/hospital experience.  I feel like biologically it shouldn't last this long, but it seems to always take her a solid 2-3 days before she's totally back---she's taking longer naps, going to bed earlier, and trying to quit her therapy sessions midway through by employing the I-just-need-a-hug tactic on her therapists (with varying degrees of success).

As for me, I've spent the past two days exchanging dozens of emails with a good friend who happens to be a pediatric research audiologist in LA.  I made sure to get a tiny bit of data on Tuesday that I could feed to her, and based on that she created a graph to teach me the basics of hearing threshold data.  When I wondered about the reality of hearing aids, she sent me pictures of the pediatric aids from her center.  When I asked about the process of making Maya's hearing aids, she sent me a detailed play-by-play of how they create the new hearing aids where she works, what to expect at the appointments, and the brand and model number that her coworkers recommend based on Maya's case history.  When I started to struggle and question the validity of the findings (more on this some other time, but considering that we've already had one ABR that I don't trust, how can I be 100% certain of this one?) she consulted with some more people on her end and passed along the consensus of their thoughts.  Since Tuesday we've traded 22 emails, several of which included pdfs that she made to teach me about things. 

And she's another one of my internet friends. 

Another one that I've never met.  

We did have one telephone conversation a few weeks ago---helping me figure out if the sedated ABR was a good next step or more-than-what-was-necessary.  But other than that, she's a message board/Facebook/email friend.  Seriously, I'm so happy to live in this age of internet networking---where I can meet intelligent, wonderful women who have a great impact on my life.  

Thanks, Amy :)

(Re)united and it feels so good . . .*

We had an awesome weekend. 

Our first ever weekend road trip since Maya was born, and Maya's first hotel stay.  On Friday night we drove to my sister's place, where Maya ran (and fell) in the yard with her cousins nonstop for 4 hours straight.   I would have taken pictures, but I don't think it would have been physically possible to get all of the kids in the same frame anyway . . . and I was too busy stuffing myself with lobster rolls and homemade desserts to try :)  The running may have overtired her a bit, as she cried hysterically for most of the remaining drive to the hotel. 

We were a little nervous about her sleeping abilities in hotel room port-a-crib (pack n play), but she was super psyched to see a "special crib":

My own room?!?  And a special crib?!?  This is fantastic!

Saturday morning we went over to an old friend's house for a brunch playdate . . . which sounds normal enough.  Except for the fact that we've never met before.  Or spoken on the phone.  She's a friend that I "met" online---a few years back, and have since traded email, chatted online, etc. 

I'm betting that half of the people reading this are thinking "Cool!  I wish I could meet up with some of my online friends!" and the other half are thinking "Isn't talking to strangers on the internet an activity reserved for homicidal maniacs and pedophiles?"  

But really, I'm lucky enough to have "met" a bunch of amazing online friends (remember those awesome cardboard party animals?  They came from one.  And when we needed extra scrabble tiles to add Parker's name to Dave's scrabble plaque another internet buddy sent some over.).  And besides just mailing me stuff (lol), these are people who celebrate each other's victories and lend a lot of support in times of struggles.  So don't knock "imaginary" friends until you've tested the waters.

Hello, friend.  (See, we don't look that weird.  No homicidial maniacs here.)

And Maya loved playing with some new friends, too.  Every time that we're around other kids I feel some inner part of me holding my breath for Maya.  A little voice that thinks "Will they think it's weird that she doesn't talk to them?  Or that she walks a little bit differently than they do?" But her two (adorable) girls were oh-so-ready to play with Maya . . . they ran, played with chalk, jumped (or bounced, in Maya's case) on a trampoline :) They had even learned some signs to do with her . . . how sweet is that?

Ok, ladies, we've got the chalk.  What's the game plan here?  A landscape scene?  Animals?  Scribbles, perhaps?

After brunch, it was on to my 10 year college reunion.  An afternoon of running on the green and catching up with friends, followed by an evening of dinner, drinks and on-campus fun.  My dad came up to babysit Maya at the hotel so we could have a child-free evening (and Dave's parents babysat Parker for the weekend, so we were dog-free as well).

We returned this morning and I went out to check the pigeon (I had a feeling the hatching would be soon, because some other pigeon was visiting last Thurs & Friday---I had never seen him/her before, and I thought it might be a sign that something was changing).  Sure enough, one of the eggs had hatched---apparently just before we got in---the chick was still wet and wiggly.

Baby pigeon butt sticking out from under mom, with the other (unhatched) egg in the foreground

I left the video camera running for a while, with the hopes of catching footage of the other egg hatching.  No dice, but I did get to see Mama Pigeon (MP) pushing the egg back under her, which was pretty cool:




I think I mentioned before that baby pigeons are seriously the weirdest looking animals ever---bright yellow, gangly, awkward.  You may have nightmares.  You've been warned.

I had to refill Parker's dog food container tonight, which really bugs MP (you may remember that this refilling procedure was what first outed her prescence to us).  Anyway, sure enough, she flew onto the terrace railing while I refilled . . . and of course, I had my camera and video camera ready just in case she decided to leave.  I slipped off my rings and put them next to the baby for a size comparison---it's tiny and so weird looking:

Here it is wiggling:

(Don't worry, MP was back on the nest as soon as I walked away.  She picked an unfortunately high traffic area for her nest, but she seems to have quickly gotten used to Dave and I puttering around.)

We're waiting to see if the other egg hatches too.  I feel like I don't have time to do any cool animal behavior stuff anymore, so the universe has brought me my own little case study, right onto my terrace :)

A fantastic trip from start to finish :)

In other news, Maya's ABR is on Tuesday.  I'm nervous, and I feel bad for her poor little unsuspecting self.  But I'm going to not think too much about it until tomorrow night.

This isn't what (I thought) I wanted

Tomorrow Dave goes back to work, and a week from tomorrow the students return.  There's definitely a part of me that wishes I was going with him . . . I like getting up early, talking with the other staff (I <3 the KIPP family), being in brainstorming sessions and having philosophical this-is-what-we-want-our-school-to-be-like meetings.  Planning, photocopies, planning, organizing, planning . . . I like the excitement and busy-ness, the sense of new beginnings, that comes with the start of a new year.

But tomorrow I won't be there.  I'll be home, with Maya.  One therapy (OT) here in the morning, followed by a drive in Manhattan for therapy #2 (speech & feeding).  I have two appointments for Maya (ENT & developmental pediatrician) that need to be scheduled, a prescription to pick up at her pediatrician's office, and I have to schedule Parker's vet evaluation for his therapy certificate (classes start Sept 12!).  I have papers to sign and fax to get the agency for Maya's speech & feeding therapy agency changed, again, and will then be a thorn in the coordinator's side until I know that it's done.  The car will need to be moved (alternate side, ugh) and the dog walked.  Cleaning out the house will continue, and various projects will be done.  I'll think about things to blog about (and probably forget them).  I'll be hoping that Maya's croup-iness subsides, and that I won't need to take her in to see the pediatrician.  Maybe we'll have time to hit the playground before the first therapy, maybe not. 

I wasn't the stay at home mom type.

I worked for the first year after Maya was born, and stopped only because of her special needs.  It was nearly impossible to coordinate appointments, arguing with doctor's offices and navigating through the Early Intervention process, from school.  Once therapies were seriously starting, it was hard for me to keep up with what was going on, and the grading and planning that had to be done at home were overwhelming.  I was barely keeping my head above water.

But I really didn't want to leave work.

Like it was yesterday, I can remember sitting in the meeting when I would announce to my team that I wouldn't be returning, and I still couldn't get through it without tearing up.  "This isn't what I want to do, but it's what needs to be done, for now", I said.  And at that point I kind of thought that I would only need to leave for a year---study the therapists, help Maya catch up on her milestones, and bam, I'd be right back. No problem.

Not quite.

So as the back to school buzz crescendos this week, there's a part of me that is bitterly wistful, that's very "Hey!  What about me?  I want to be there too! I was a good teacher!  Don't forget me!"

And this isn't to say that working out of the home is better than being a stay at home mom, and it's not to say that staying at home is better than working.  It's just to paint the picture of how much I loved my work.

If you asked me 3 years ago if I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, I would have said no.

But, as it turns out, I love staying at home with Maya too.  I like playing with her, the playground is fun, it's fun to watch her discover new things (like the decks of cards that she's totally obsessed with now, or her crush on Elmo) and make new sounds (da-da-da and nananana).  I love working with her and Parker, and drawing at the table.  I love the way she makes me laugh, like today when she decided that she needed some iced coffee, just like dad & mom:

If you asked me 3 years ago if I wanted to be a mom to a child with special needs, I would have said no.

But therapies are just a normal part of our days now, and the therapists have become the friends that I really chat with throughout the day (other than my sister).  I love the way they all love Maya, and she makes them laugh, and I like learning from them.  The appointments can be downers, but we make the best of them by choosing really amazing doctors and taking pictures, and videos. 

Without special needs, I wouldn't know about the amazing parents in the special needs world, the women in the support group that I've met. 

Without special needs, I might have missed celebrating all of the little things (like new sounds).  I'm apathetic by nature, and I might have just "yep, she makes noise.  kids make noise.  whoop-de-doo"-d right past it all.

Without special needs, we wouldn't have Parker.  And his therapy classes start in September . . . who knows where that volunteer work will lead.

This isn't what I thought I wanted . . . but I'm so happy where I am.   A few months ago things were pretty dark, and I wondered about how people come to terms with parenting their children with special needs---how to get past the sadness, the mourning, the wishing-things-were-different.

But I'm past it.  For now, anyway.  I know it's cyclical, and I know sadness will creep in from time to time (sometimes in a crushing way).  But for a while now, it's just been good.

So, KIPP family (and teacher folks in general), I'll miss you all tomorrow, and I'll miss being a part of the energy.  But I wouldn't trade places with any of you, either :)


(PS---Happy 1st day of Kindergarten tomorrow to my nephew Collin!)

From Parker

Parker spends his days doing very exciting things, and thought that you might like to take a look . . .

He helps me move things down to storage . . .

Lady, I'm not pushing this thing.

He watches TV. 

(No joke, I was cleaning the floor and looked over and saw him like this.  He freakin' loves The Dog Whisperer.  I couldn't make this stuff up.)

 

He's not allowed to eat from the table . . .

But we take him out to hit the bar scene:

Oh, and he's getting bigger, bigger, bigger:

5.24:                                                                                6.17:

And here's some live action footage of Maya & Parker sharing a squirrel (it's not as gruesome as it sounds):

Turning 2!

We arrived in NJ to a chalk "Happy Birthday" welcome, and 2 very excited little cousins who wanted to wish Miss Maya the happiest of birthdays . . .

But Maya wasn't so sure, and took a while to warm up . . .

Soon she was loving the backyard, and so were Collin & Emerson:

Hey Parker, let's play in this house . . .

No, no, we aren't allowed to climb out the window . . .

Get back here, you doggie!

Maya can walk now if two buddies hold her hands (my mom & I):

And Parker proves that he can "leave" his most favorite treat (cheese) with no problem:

Dave, Superdad & Grill Master:

Then Prince Parker said it was time for cake.

Last week, Maya's special instructor asked me how I thought she would react when everyone sang "Happy Birthday."  I said "Oh, we do music class every week so I think she's used to big groups singing.  I don't think she'll care.."  But Virginia said "Oh no, she'll realize that everyone is looking at her.  She'll react."

And she did.  With a combination of surprise, wonder, and bewilderment:

And Maya wants to thank everyone for their generous gifts, and for stopping by.  We even had the Hausers & two sets of neighbors come in to visit!

It was a perfect way to turn 2 :)

Who has time to update a blog when the weather is so great? Here we are leaving the playground, powered by Fer & Wendy:

You know who else comes out to play in the sunshine? DOGGIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(this is Maya giggling while a dog in the dog run jumped to catch a ball. Not quite giggling until she threw up, but pretty cute)